Nazi Zombies: Alternate  Side Stories
by Spyash2
Summary: The first of many side stories that is based off of the now completed "Nazi Zombies: Alternate" story. There will be some references to dumpalings comics.
1. Chapter 1

Nazi Zombies: Alternate

Side stories: The Closet

It seemed like a nice peaceful day for everyone in the Theatre, Akio was off god-knows-where with everyone else. Somehow convincing Takeo and Nikolai to guide her and the others around, while Dempsey and Richtofen were in the dressing room. Being mid-day and bored out of his mind Richtofen decided to do what he does best: Annoying the hell out of Tank Dempsey. And tricked him by getting him inside a closet and locking him inside', normally he would have thought doing such a thing would be childish, but there wasn't any of his 'children' around so he did the next best thing.

And now said Nazi was standing in front of the now barricaded and locked closet door, with a triumphant grin on his face. And Dempsey was pounding furiously against the wooden door, his insults and the raging tone he shouted in was muffled greatly by the door.

"I swear to god Richtofen that if you don't open this fucking door, I will shove my Bowie knife so far up your rotten and pale ass that you won't be sitting or shitting for months!" Tank threatened. Saying that Tank is angry was one way of putting it. But the truth was; Tank was somewhere between being borderline furious – too going on a killing spree.

Richtofen however was not concerned, as he was not the one trapped. "Ha remember vhat you said Dempsey?" He sneered, full knowing that Tank couldn't see him; but felt like doing it anyway. "Zhat if you vere locked in a closet zhat you vould 'hurt me. Bad'?"

The pounding abruptly stopped. An awkward silence and a second later Richtofen raised a curious brow. Had Tank given up? Or was he just resting his hands, either way that door had a single plank of wood covering it, there was no way he was getting out of there soon. But Tank being this quiet was a call for concern; the Doc knew that Dempsey was a loud mouth. So why did he stop?

Curious to find out why Richtofen walked to the door and pressed his ear against the wood.. The moment he did that however he jumped back, letting out a womanly squeal of horror as a suddenly fist busted through the wood. Sending splinters everywhere. Richtofen clutched his chest as he breathed heavily; that little stunt Dempsey pulled nearly gave him a heart attack. Still sent a surprised glance towards the door, only to see a dust covered boot breaking the door in half.

Pushing the handle side of the door to the ground Dempsey growled and gave Richtofen the most bat-shitting - I'm going to fucking end you - glare he had and took off running as if his life depended on it.

"Just you wait Richtofen! When this is over I'm so going to kick you're ass!" Tank yelled, his voice echoing off the walls.

Richtofen watched his retreating form with a look of disbelief, not believing what he had seen with his own eyes. He blinked and scratched the side of his face in confusion. "Vhat did he mean by: Vhen zhis is ov-" He paused mid-sentence after his eyes laid on the broken door of the closet that Dempsey was trapped in.

There was a horde of zombified Nazi's piling out of the tiny room, and seeing the huge amount of them before his very eyes – coming out of a closet of all things – defied the laws of physics... Was that even right?

So seeing this, and knowing that they were hungry for living flesh, the logical thing Richtofen would have done is throwing a grenade and jumping in the remains. Since he wasn't right in the head he was still smart. But at the moment his brain wasn't working; the normal blood lust that he'd feel when the zombies attacked was not there.

So Richtofen did the only thing that a normal person would do – He screamed like a little girl and ran away. Something that was so unRichtofen like.

Then he had recalled something Dempsey said to him when they got back to their reality, with Laura and the girls. _"Just so we're clear doc; if I ever find myself trapped in a closet that are completely full of zombies. I'm going to hurt you. Bad." _Dempsey's voice echoed in Richtofen's head.

Richtofen knew from that moment that he was completely and utterly fucked.


	2. Chapter 2

Nazi Zombies: Alternate

Side Stories: Video games

Nikolai looked at the controller in his hands with confusion. He examined it as carefully as he could in his drunken state. Running his digits across the remote Nikolai could feel the buttons and the sticks brush softly against his skin.

"Does anyone know what this thing is for...?" Nikolai asked. He looked at his comrades, Tank Dempsey, Takeo Masaki and Edward Richtofen; they too had the same controllers in their grasp and they were as confused as he was.

Dempsey gave Nikolai brief look before looking back at his controller. "Maybe its got something to do with that 'Playstation' thingy on the ground there?" Tank suggested, with his forefinger pointing at said Playstation.

Richtofen blinked and looked at the contraption with mild interest. The entire thing was black; and on top it had the words "Playstation 3" engraved on it. It looked futuristic too, something that greatly interested the Nazi. Two buttons; a few wires plugged in and with four controllers to go with it. Plus there was a massive big-screen TV right in front of it, so that was a massive plus!

"Perhaps ve should turn it on?" Richtofen suggested to them. For once instead of having an interest with zombies he had found the Playstation to be very interesting in its own way. A rare thing in something besides zombies that.

Tank went and sat down in front of the Playstaion 3 with his legs crossed. Setting the control on the floor beside him Dempsey slowly looked around for the on button. Takeo sat down on Tank's left while Nikolai went on his right. Richtofen... He merely stood there, with a faraway look on his face.

For the past two hours the four were still trying to find out how to turn on the Playstation. And somehow the four abandoned the Playstation itself and went to the TV. Which was already turned on. The four were trying to find out which channel they think the Playstation would display would be on, and unsurprisingly, they didn't get anywhere.

Tank kicked an invisible pebble with his boot in frustration as a growl of impatience escaped his throat. This was getting on his nerves, if they couldn't find out which channel the thing was on then he'll go mad! He couldn't ask the girls for help because that would ruin his badass reputation! But now his patience was near it's end, it was a matter of will now.

"I swear that thing is laughing at us!" Dempsey yelled as he pointed an accusing finger at the Playstation. "And that dammed television is in league with it!"

Nikolai gave Dempsey a blank stare. "Have you been drinking my wodka American?"

"Shut up Nikolai!"

Takeo rubbed his temples as he felt a fight between the American and Soviet about to erupt. Richtofen looked at the two as they began to have a shouting match, and flinched at the insults that came from Dempsey's mouth. He knew he was foul mouthed but this was ridiculous!

The shouting suddenly escalated with them using their fists; and after a few minutes of listening the two shouting at one another Richtofen decided to effectively end it. By destroying the very two things that caused this whole mess!

Richtofen in one swift move took his Luger out of it's holster, took off the safety, and took aim at the wide screen TV. Takeo questionably looked at Richtofen; and when he saw his side arm in his hands did he realise what he was about to do. Nikolai and Dempsey who were now on the floor stopped their fighting when they heard the sound of a gun going off, followed by a sound of glass breaking and electric going on the frizz. They quickly looked at Richtofen and the TV and saw the television with four bullet holes in the screen, and in his hands was his favourite weapon: The Luger.

The two grown men screamed out "Nooooo!" rather dramatically as the Nazi turned on the Playstation next while they tried to reach out in a rather pathetic attempt to grab the pistol. The thought if getting up never crossed their minds really, and it was a bit hilarious to see two grown men on the ground reaching out to someone who was less than two feet away. Richtofen then pulled the trigger.

Suddenly the entire complex was filled with the sound of two crying full grown men. Above the abandoned theatre Samantha Maxis had watched the whole entire thing go down with some level of amusement. Although she was confused as to how two highly technological advanced pieces of equipment had gotten there.

If there was one thing she knew, "Zhat vas rather amusing!" Samantha giggled with glee.


	3. Chapter 3

Nazi Zombies: Alternate

Side Stories: What the fuck?

"I have no idea what you're talking about."

If Laura agreed on one thing; it was that Tank Dempsey proved to be one of the most stupidest person to have ever lived. Yet at the same time he proved to be quite the genius when it comes to imagination.

Laura growled a few ticks appearing on her forehead, "Don't lie to me you idiot! How the hell do you do it?" She demanded hotly. It aggravated her that Dempsey seemed to pull off the "innocent look", and said look was being given. A tilted head with a highly confused look that said: "What are you talking about"

"I really have no idea what you're talking about Laura." Tank insisted, but he was inwardly laughing his ass off. "You might have to explain to me what you mean"

Growling with frustration Laura imagined herself beating Dempsey half to death. Something that Tank somehow saw, much to her shock. "How the hell did you know what I was thinking!"

Tank grinned, "Simple: I'm just that awesome!" He then gave her a nice guy pose. Which was a thumbs up, a wink, and a dazzling white light that shone from his teeth. That somehow blinded her.

"_Ok, I just know that fucker is screwing with me."_ Laura mentally deadpanned. _"And somehow, I know he is laughing at me..."_

"Hey!" Tank whined, clearly offended about something. When Laura gave him a tired glare he continued, inwardly grinning because he knew what he was about to say next was going to drive her up the wall. "If I was going to screw you, it'd be in bed!"

When those words came out of his mouth; it took every ounce of willpower Tank had to stop himself from laughing his ass off. Laura's right eye twitched with a horrified facial expression; Tank was sure that if this was a cartoon then her jaw would be on the floor and her eyes would be shooting out of their sockets.

"I-I'm going to go now."

Tank said nothing else as he watched Laura who rather quickly tried to escape from the room. He smiled, "Oh Laura. Did anyone tell you that you've got a nice ass?"

"OH SHUT UP!" She screamed her face flush with embarrassment. As she made her way out of the room her eyes had a strange glint in them. "I don't know who's doing this; but that asshole is going to get his soon!" She growled...

* * *

><p>The author carefully reread each paragraph for any mistakes that he might have missed when he was typing on his Laptop. Still this was his third "chapter" so to speak, and while it was popular on Deviantart it wasn't quite as popular on Fanfiction. Still he thought the whole thing was amusing to do. While he should be working on another title for the next story the author really couldn't be arsed. He was a guy after all, and he was half Irish. And combine the fact that he was lazy as hell...<p>

Suddenly the author felt a chill run down his spine. As if something bad was going to happen.

"So you're the one whose doing this?" A very pissed off feminine voice growled out.

The author turned his head so fast that you thought he got a whiplash. And in front of him was no other than Laura Dempsey. And she was not happy, if the way she was holding a steel crowbar was of any definition. Blinking; the author stared at the blonde hair beauty then looked at the computer screen and back at the woman again.

"How did you-... But you shouldn't-... What!" He sputtered pointing at the Laptop with clear shock.

"You gave Dempsey an ability..." She stated; as if that would explain everything. When seeing the confused look on the author's face she explained. "You have Tank Dempsey an ability that seemed... How do you call it 'fucking Gary sueish'! The Sixth wall."

The author dumbly nodded. "And dumpaling; MY creator gave ME an ability that is similar to yours." She said with a triumphant smirk.

The author's face paled, he gave Dempsey the Sixth wall ability because he was pure awesome. But if dumpaling gave her an ability similar to his... Laura suddenly sported a bat-shit eating grin that threatened to split her face in two, and she rose the crowbar over her head before letting out a blood screeching scream.

What happened next was simply far too awesome to put it into words.


	4. Chapter 4

Nazi Zombies: Alternate

Side Stories: Fanfiction

_'Dempsey sprinted across the bridge as fast as his legs could. Panting and heaving the zombie slaying marine glanced over his shoulder, only to see to his dismay that the persistent horde of zombies were slowing gaining on him. With a grunt Tank grabbed the sling of his M16 assault rifle; stopped, turned and with one eye closed he took aim. _

_Pulling the trigger, the 5.56 millimetre rounds shot out of the rifle, easily cutting through the decaying flesh. The undead fell one by one; and were forced to step over their re-killed comrades...'_

"Oh man this is so cool!" Dempsey laughed. Reading a Fanfiction seemed like a lame suggestion at first. But when Tank saw that he was the star of the story; he quickly reconsidered that statement. He hadn't a clue where the computer came from; but he was glad there was some form of entertainment on it. Laura merely said "It's a secret."

But suddenly the story that displayed him as a badass took a turn for the worst. The story went from completely badass to something that seemed so retarded that even Jesus himself must have thought humanity finally lost it.

_'Suddenly Nikolai appeared out of nowhere (For absolutely no reason at all) with two bottles of vodka in hand, and with a Python snake in his mouth. Dempsey blinked when Nikolai emptied the strong alcoholic liquid down his pants before tossing the bottles aside. Dempsey stood there; staring at Nikolai with the 'WTF' look as the drunk Soviet suddenly grabbed the snake from his mouth and held it at his hip. With the head of the Python facing the zombies._

_And just when thing's couldn't get any weirder, bullets shot out of it's mouth.'_

"Ok seriously, what the fuck is this?" Dempsey said to himself. The story was getting worse by each paragraph.

_'As the zombies were finished off Nikolai decided that the snake was no longer of use. Much to Dempsey's relief; as he had a deadly fear of snakes-'_

"Like **Hell **I do!" Dempsey roared. He is not afraid of snakes!

_'Just then the ghostly figure of Samantha Maxis appeared before the two men, and with a blank look she proceeded to kick Dempsey in the nuts. Nikolai roared out with laughter as Dempsey's eyes crossed as he fell to his knees. Nikolai choked when Samantha kicked him in the nuts, and vanished the moment her foot connected with his junk. The two zombie slayers were left on their knees, groaning out in agony as the pain shot throughout their entire body._

_Suddenly Richtofen appeared out of thin air with a thick golden rod and a pebble sized meteor in hand-'_

"Ok this story officially sucks!" Dempsey complained, nerved that someone had the gall to write a story this retarded. His hand quickly grasped the mouse, and clicked on the button 'Call Of Duty' where the page view was replaced by hundred's of stories.

"Ok, let's see what else there is... Hmmmmm 'The marines revenge', huh? Seems like a badass title. Might be worth a look..." He thought. When he clicked on the story he wanted, a brand new page filled with paragraphs upon paragraphs appeared on screen.

_'Dempsey was cold as he felt the warm breath of someone behinfd him on the nappe og his nack. He turned and sau the love of his live Rictofhan.'_

"Ok, I'm stopping it right there." Dempsey from the state that story was in, deduced that it was meant to be some gay assed slash fic between him and Richtofen. And it appeared the idiot couldn't even spell even the simplest of words; like 'saw'.

Tank shivered, he had a strange feeling that a bunch of people were laughing their assses off at his misfortune. He mentally noted that if he ever met the fucker who wrote that story, he would proceed on giving him a world of hurt.

"Ok, one more story." He told himself.

Pressing the 'backspace' button the screen was taken back to the story list. And having lost a bit of his faith in humanity; Dempsey prayed to whoever was listening to actually give him a good story. He picked a random one; one that didn't have a description' and mentally shrugged.

Then a single sentence appeared on screen.

"_If you read this then you're a faggot! XD"_

Dempsey's smashed his face against the desk in full force, and muttered a barely audible "Ow..." afterwards. After he read that little message, Dempsey guessed that he had lost about six seconds of his life, and adding the stories and scrolling through said stories he had lost about fifteen minutes in total...

Tank slowly lifted his head from the desk and reached out to his left. And grabbed a steel pole he had there. "I am so going to beating the living hell out of a certain something in a minute..." He gave the Laptop a cold glare while it silently stared back. With it's bright screen illuminating his face, as if it was mocking him!

"We'll see how bright screened you are after I beat that light out of you!"

"Am I interrupting something?" It was a woman's voice; that spoke in an accent that seemed all too familiar for Tank. Aiko Masaki stared at Dempsey with a humorous expression. The position Tank was in was very very funny, since it looked like he was about to pummel the Laptop into pieces.

"N-no Aiko, I'm was just 'browsing' through... Looking for some stories like Laura suggested." Tank lied as he waved her off.

Aiko put on a disbelieving look; and pinched the bridge of her nose when she saw the steel pole in Dempsey's left hand. Browsing through' her ass, it looked like Tank was about to club someone to death.

"I'm pretty sure that searching for stories does not invorve using that." Aiko quipped, motioning to the large six foot pole that was in the marines possession.

Dempsey stared at Aiko, then glanced at the pole and then at the Laptop; and back at Aiko again. Shrugging uncaringly with a barely audible "Fuck it." Dempsey placed the pole back in it's place in the corner and stormed out of the room.

But not before giving Aiko a message, "If you're gonna go on that thing, then be careful on what you pick. Some of those storied are just plain ridiculous." He stormed out of the room before Aiko could ask what he meant by that.

Shrugging Aiko sat down in front of the desk and began scrolling through the web-page, until she came across something that caught her eye...

"'Downfall of the Undead'? That seems rike a interesting story."


	5. Talking to the fans

Nazi Zombies: Alternate

Side stories: Talking to the fans

Tank Dempsey was sitting on the ground his eyes closed and legs crossed. Believe it or not it was a relaxation pose Takeo and Aiko introduced him too. Saying something crap like _'You're temper will be the death of us!' _or _'Keep yourserf calm or we sharr beat your ass into oblivion!'_

Sighing Tank opened his eyes and gazed to his left. His blue eyes widening when he saw an audience staring at him. He blinked and slowly got to his feet.

"Uh... Hi?" He gave them an uncertain wave. "I guess you guys are the fans that have been giving Spy' some questions right?"

Getting some nods and murmurs that strangely sounded like '_No I'm just hear for you my lovely Tank!'_ Dempsey resisted the urge to shudder, fan-girls, the bane of all that's awesome.

"Right! Um... Let's see here." Tank reached into his pocket and pulled out a sheet of paper. "Right for those who were waiting for an update to '**Nazi Zombies: Alternate – Side Stories'** Spyash2 wanted to say-"

"I think I'll spare you the need to tell them Tank!" An almost cheerful voice said from behind the marine. Dempsey turned his head so fast that you'd think he had hurt himself.

A teenage boy with dark brown hair, a small beard, and blue eyes stood tall with his arms crossed. He wore a light grey jumper, black track-suit bottoms and black trainers. Dempsey guessed he was somewhere over six foot, his weight was some what average.

"Hey pervy man! I don't like it when another guys check me out." The boy said in mock disgust. Although there was a massive smile on his face as he said it.

"Right!" The boy shouted suddenly, making everyone in close vicinity jump. "In case you faggots didn't know by now, I am the infamous Spyash2! Both here on Fanfiction and on Deviantart." The boy now known as Spyash2 exclaimed proudly.

Tank gave the boy a blank stare before the words registered in his mind.

"Wait a minute..." Growled the short tempered man. "Are you the one who was causing all this bull shit? The fan girl chase? Me ending up in another fucking dimension? All of that?"

Spyash2 gave Dempsey an amused grin. "Actually the fan girl chase in 'Dempsey's worst nightmare' was inspired from another story I read a few years ago. Can't really remember what it was called now anyway." The boy went into a thinking pose,

"As for you going to another dimension - slash - alternate reality that was actually dumpaling's idea. It was meant to be an 'explanation' on how the girls got to your universe in her **'magic**' comic**,** since she never give them any background information. Until I did the '_Nazi Zombies: Alternate_' story." Spyash2 explained with an uncaring shrug. "But the names '**Laura, Aiko, Erika and Natasha**' was all me. I gave Dumpaling's gender-bender versions of you guys a background story and some names, and the result was they became even more famous. Everyone wins!"

"So you basically made Dumpaling's creations even more famous than before? How?"

Spyash gave Dempsey a look that practically said '_Are you frickin' serious?'_ "I'm a story writer on not one but TWO websites dude. I used to write stories about SPYRO the frickin' dragon when I was little! I nearly have one hundred watchers on Deviantart and god knows how many on Fanfiction!" Spyash2 turned to the audience and gave them an apologetic smile. "Sorry guys but as you know by now this isn't a story update, more like a... Status update."

Hearing the audience groan in disappointment Spyash2 motioned them to settle down. Dempsey seemed pleased by all this. If this wasn't a chapter to the story then there is some hope for him left.

"Anyway, I've gotten some messages from my fans and they were asking me for an update lately. And I'm sorry guys but, I'm busy as hell lately. College is a massive pain in the ass for my story time, so that's one problem explained."

Dempsey gave the Author a calculative look. "'One problem explained?' You mean there are more than one?"

"Yep!" The author chirped gleefully. "The other problem isn't really a problem. More like a... outside interference."

"Isn't that what you call a problem?" Tank deadpanned.

Spyash had the right to look embarrassed. "S-shut up!" He coughed into his hand.

"Anyway, this is more like good news on my end. I have someone who could be interested in publishing a story of mine. The outside interference would be this: I'm planning on showing a story that was abandoned by me three years ago. It was called 'Legendary' and right now? I'm rewriting it. That was would be the bad news. So as a result, the progress on my other stories were interrupted."

"That is bad!" Dempsey exclaimed with a shocked expression. "And your rewriting it? Alone? With no help?"

"Yep" Tank looked sympathetically at the teenager. "But I'm getting my mum to have a look at it once the chapters are finished. Just to polish it up before I send it off."

"Good idea." Tank nodded his head in agreement. "Ok that's the reason, let's check what else we got?"

Dempsey and Spyash looked at the sheet of questions. "Ok here's one for you kid:_ 'Are you going to make a sequel for Nazi Zombies: Alternate?'_. That was from an anonymous user called 'Jaffer' on fanfiction."

Spyash looked thoughtfully at the question for a moment. "That's a sensible question, but the answer is no. There will NOT be a sequel to Nazi Zombies: Alternate. You should look at Dumpaling's Magic comic on Deviantart' it's basically what happened after the story."

"Alright, you hear that readers? Spyash2 himself said there won't be sequel. Get used to it!"

"Tank..."

"Sorry."

Spyash2 shook his head amusingly. "Alright here's another question from Deviantart: _'Will you be writing other stories instead of Call of Duty?'_ Fucking bastard! Is he racist or something!" Tank raged.

"That'll be the day!" Spyash laughed. "People being racist because they want to know if there's gonna be stories that don't involve Call of duty." Ignoring the spiteful words that came from Tank's foul mouth the Author continued, "Well I did say a while ago that I was working on my own story called 'Legendary', so yeah I'll be working on other stories. If I'm going to post them on Deviantart or Fanfiction? No. I can't. I can't on Fanfiction because Legendary doesn't even exist yet. And I can't post it on Deviantart because a story that shouldn't be seen would be revealed for all too see. Although I am not above looking for help."

"Alright, here's another one from Deviantart. '_What other stories would you __**want**__ to work on if you had the chance?'_. Huh, you know I kinda want to know that as well kid. What would you work on next?" Dempsey asked.

"Hmm... I would say a crossover between Nazi Zombies and Naruto. Simply for two reasons: One there are teleporters in Nazi Zombies where you travelled into the future, and then in Shangri-la you could travel into the past. In Naruto, there are many many possibilities. There are a lot of things that could bring the zombie gang into the Naruto-verse' a forbidden ninjutsu for example could bend time and space between two realities. The possibilities are endless really. The downside to this would be the research."

"Huh... Ninjas with badass techniques that are so unrealistic versus...well... Us really?"

"Meh, if that floats your boat Tank. Naruto has a lot of hot women in it, all of them could kick your ass without effort really because they can do things you can't."

"I resent that!"

"You'll resent anything that's more awesome than you."

Tank paused then sighed rather over-dramatically, "Point taken. But at least they don't have the awesomeness that are the perk-a-cola's!"

Spyash pinched the bridge of his nose, "Ok, well there is one story out there that's a good Call Of Duty/Naruto crossover. It's called 'Black Powder', but it hasn't been updated in three years or something and there are two chapters to it."

"Huh, shame. That was a good story."

Spyash stared incredulously at Dempsey, "Your just saying that because you ended up sleeping withKurenai in the second chapter!"

Dempsey grinned cunningly "As I said that was a good story."

Spyash shook his head in disbelief. "I came here to talk to my fans and instead we ended up talking about you sleeping with a Naruto character..."

The marine chuckled as he looked at the next question on the list. "Alright, here is one: _'Are you going to take long to post chapters in the future?'_ Don't really know who sent that one, the person never had a name. Prick."

"Basically yes. I will be talking longer to post chapters. I don't know how long though so I really don't have a clue." Spyash2 answered sorrowfully. Dempsey rolled his eyes thinking that he was being over dramatic about the whole thing.

"Alright! That's enough questions for today!" The author looked pleased with the announcement. "Actually I have one or two questions for ya kid."

Spyash2 looked at Dempsey with suspicion. "What's your real name, and, exactly how many Call of Duty crossover's with Naruto are there?"

Spyash2 grinned. "There are at least six crossover's with Naruto and Call Of Duty, Tank. Out of those six, only Black power is good. Even if it is unfinished. As for you're first question? It's Dominic."

Spyash2 now revealed as Dominic looked at the awed audience and gave them a mock salute, "The Author has left the building!" And promptly vanished with a snap of his fingers.

Dempsey stared at the spot where Dominic was and smiled. Despite all the things the kid had put him through he was a good lad. With a chuckle Dempsey stuffed the sheet of paper into his pocket and began to walk to a door. He stopped and pressed his forefinger on a switch, and gazed at the audience.

"It's been fun meeting you guys. But it's time for me to get back to the others. See ya." With a dazzling smile and a wink of his eye Tank pressed down on the switch. The room became almost pitch black.

"I'll see you all again soon. Hopefully." Tank laughed out loud when a thought came to him. "I wonder if Dominic knows that this kind of thing goes against the rules on Fanfiction?"

And with that the door finally closed.


	6. Chapter 6

Nazi Zombies: Alternate

Side Stories: Cola machines and Drunk Russians

Dempsey frowned visibly at the Cola machine. Looking over his shoulder to make sure no one was watching, Dempsey uncrossed his arms, got down to one knee and stared intently at the hole where the Cola should've been waiting for him.

"This is completely unethical for someone of my calibre. But there is no WAY I'm lowering myself to asking for their help!" Tank stubbornly told himself, referring to his team of misfits who had only two things in common with one another.

His cold icy blue eyes scanned every inch of the Cola machine. Seeing nothing wrong on the front Dempsey sighed audibly before moving to the back, while still on his knees. When he reached the back, he blinked dumbly. The plug for the machine plugged in and the switch was on, so why the hell won't it work!

Dempsey narrowed his eyes in suspicion and pushed himself to his feet, standing his full height. Hearing a commotion nearby Dempsey turned his head ever so slightly, leaned back and raised a brow humorously when Nikolai Belinski stumbled in the room, humming a tune drunkenly to himself with a half-empty bottle of vodka in hand. His kerchief was drenched with alcohol, and his woolly hat baring the Red Army insignia (a red star with a yellow hammer and sickle crossing over one another) was dirtied with dust.

Smirking at the sight of a hammered Nikolai –which was humorous for Dempsey, because a hammered Nikolai would often make hilarious quotes- Tank re-crossed his arms again and leant against the Cola machine with amusement.

Nikolai was drunk out of his mind. But to him this was a good thing! He could see things more clearly now, if you call seeing, double of everything "seeing clearly" but it was worth it! He stumbled slightly, grunting when he almost lost his footing.

"Whoa… why is everything so hard to maneuver?" Nikolai questioned. He belched before pounding on his chest. Suddenly he looked up, his bloodshot eyes scanning the ground for something, "WHERE THE FUCK IS MY SHOTGUN?" He unexpectedly roared out.

"Uh… Nikolai?" Nikolai turned his head to the direction the voice came, it sounded familiar to him for some reason. "You alright there man?" There it was again! Who dared talk to him with his permission? He will shove his sickle up whomever talked-ted ass.

Nikolai squinted when he saw someone in front of him, only the person in front of him was so unfocused to his eyes he couldn't make out who it was.

Dempsey frowned in concern; Nikolai was never like this when he saw him drunk. "Nikolai! Are you alright?" He asked forcibly.

"….Tank Dempsey…? Is that you?" Nikolai slurred out.

"….Yeah? It's me Nikolai."

Nikolai blinked a few times as Tank Dempsey slowly yet surely took shape, until he became recognisable to him. "DA!" Nikolai exclaimed happily, his arms open in greeting. Dempsey wheeled back in surprise; this was a complete 180 change of attitude. "Tank Dempsey a-ha! The man I was looking for… I think?" He trailed off at the end.

"Wait…" Dempsey arched a brow which Nikolai squinted at him. "Why are you in my house?" The drunk questioned.

…

Wait. What?

"Nikolai I'm not in your house."

The drunken Soviet blinked, "Are you sure?"

"Yes I'm very sure." Dempsey assured Nikolai with a nod of his head. "In fact, I'm so sure, that your fourth wife would completely agree with me. If she were still alive of course... "

"My fourth wife is dead?"

Dempsey had to resist the urge to roll his eyes. "Yes Nikolai, your fourth wife is dead. Including the wives who came before her."

"Oh…." Nikolai stared at Dempsey in awkward silence, until… "So are those wives who came before fourth are dead too?" He asked in poor grammar.

Dempsey slapped his palm against his forehead in dismay, seriously, he kept going on about how he murdered his wives and NOW he forgets? He was beginning to regret getting his attention now.

"Never mind Nikolai." He groaned out. "Just, sit back and do whatever you were doing before."

Nikolai then unexpectedly began balling his eyes out. "I don't remember!" He whined as he fell to his knees pathetically. Then to Dempsey irritation Nikolai brought the tip of his half-empty bottle of vodka to his lips and began drinking. He smacked his lips together when he finished devouring the liquid and throwing the bottle aside. "What was I doing before?"

"You were going to help me with this soda machine until you decided to get drunk." Dempsey told him, his voice lathed in sarcasm. Unfortunately, Nikolai was far too drunk to pick it up.

"Oh?" Nikolai blinked when he finally saw Dempsey leaning against the soda machine. He cracked his knuckled together as a sadistic smile graced his lips. "Let us see why this machine isn't working eh?"

Dempsey blinked when he saw the creepy smile on his Soviet's lips. He felt a cold chill crawling up his spine when the Nikolai looked at him rather sinisterly. He blinked and almost freaked out when Nikolai began advancing on him.

Unlike the thought process of his comrades, since he was so completely hammered Nikolai could only think of simple things. If there was something that wouldn't work, people would think to look for whatever was missing.

For Nikolai, his drunken mind couldn't comprehend such thoughts, and to make up for this his brain would think in simpler terms unless he had someone helping him.

His mind world work like this for example: Broken machine + nearest hard object = bashing machine until it worked. Nikolai could see the machine clearly in front of him and the nearest hard object standing beside it.

Yelling a battle cry Nikolai suddenly bolted off in a sprint, catching Dempsey by surprise. By the time Dempsey could gather himself it was already too late. Grabbing the blonde haired marine by the side of his head, Nikolai pulled the marine's head back then pushed. His head connected with the machine in full force; his vision began to dim and he weakly cursed foully at Nikolai.

The last thing Dempsey saw before blacking out was Nikolai throwing his head back, while crackling with laughter as he fell to the ground.

"Now THAT is how you get things to work in RUSSIA!"


End file.
